three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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