He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
