I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
