No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
