It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
