Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
