apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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