Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
