oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
