So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
