i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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