I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
