Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
