around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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