I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
