So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
