Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
