I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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