Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
