I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
