Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
