I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
