It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize