my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
