i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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