then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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