So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
