how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
