I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize