the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
