Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
