wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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