Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
