you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just pee around me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
