Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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