I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
