my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
