he wants to bone in the snuggie
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
