i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize