Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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