Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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