Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
