I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
