Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize