I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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