but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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