We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All the doctor said was why
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
