you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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