i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
