dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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