Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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