remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
