If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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