so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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