Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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