I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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