I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
