you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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