I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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