I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize