I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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