So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
