so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize