it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
