I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
