Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
false alarm, still single
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize