oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
