He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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