Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
