as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize