first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
