I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
