I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
