NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
