census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
