So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
