I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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