I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
