My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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