I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
