I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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