hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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