She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
