hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
