You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
