I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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