The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
