when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
