he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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